Life…Interrupted

Ok, Ok, Ok….this virus things has officially kept me up tonight. It’s 2:30am and I wish I had slept. I have always been the believer in I’m going on with my life or else I don’t have a life. I figured I pushed through enough crap in life and I just keep pushing. But this is different. Things have changed and having a flippant attitude towards this Covid-19 is just not gonna cut it.

Ill be the first one to admit that abut 3 weeks ago I said no big deal, sure people here will get sick, but how bad could it be? Well, i guess bad enough where life is grinding to a halt. I have very mixed emotions about that. We as a country have been through some crazy and scary shit. No need to list them. So it doesn’t even seem real when I hear to shelter in place over a virus, a terrorist attack yes, but a virus?

With quite literally 24 hour news coverage, daily 2-3 hour briefings from the Governor, and now countless businesses shutting their doors, I feel like this is a terrorist attack……Oh yes, not to mention my 8 year old daughter being homeschooled by yours truly. Come to think of it, just that is giving me anxiety. After all, its only the foundation of knowledge I am attempting to lay down with no experience teaching kids. I was a corporate trainer for 5 years and I dealt with adults who to be quite honest acted like children on occasion.

I take things seriously now for the following reasons (and I think its good I list them as a reminder that there can be a lot at stake).

1. I have a beautiful daughter I have to protect.

2. I have an elderly mom I have to protect.

3. My husband comes into contact with people from all over the state on a daily basis, and I want to protect him.

4. I myself have an auto immune disease. Plus I am currently in between DMTs. I was on Tysabri, became JCV positive, and my MS Doctor recommenced Ocrevus. I haven’t had an infusion since mid January and I’m starting to feel it. Ocrevus is also an immunosuppressant. So as many compromised people feel, I’m not into crowds, never was.

Now I worry more about everything and I am clearly having some anxiety problems combined with insomnia. The “what-ifs” keep rolling through my brain. I have ordered everything imaginable from online stores to be prepared and yet I still say t myself, is that enough? Three weeks ago, I was thinking about buying a really nice and expensive handbag ( for once in my life), now i worry if I spent enough on non dairy creamers! Who am I?? I’m almost feeling like a doomsday prepper!!!

Life is to be enjoyed, Life is to be lived. Life is to be full of love and incredible experiences. Life is being with friends and family, not ‘social distancing” from them.

Now we have life full of fear and anxiety. Life is standing on lines to get toilet paper. Life is wondering if your gonna lose your job. Life is feeling like a hypochondriac. Life is sanitizing your hands till your skin falls apart. But mostly life is being scared to death that someone you love becomes ill and begins the fight of their lives.

When will it be over? And there is no doubt it will be over. I just wonder about the effects of this moment in time. How do we get back on track and start doing the things we love again?. How do we pick up where we left off before Life, Interrupted.

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