The Chains of Pain

Over this past weekend, I developed pain in my joints, pain to the touch, and deep deep fatigue. Other than the obvious, what’s the impact on my or anyone else’s life who deal with chronic pain. It’s not just the physical pain, but it the mental and emotional pain of dragging around the chains of pain.

Most of the time your chained to your house and even to the couch or bed. There’s maybe enough chain to allow you too look out the window at the others living their lives or kids playing outside. There is a saying, “From the outside looking in”. Well, for people with pain its more like ‘from the inside looking out’.

When its bad and I mean really bad, you watch life pass you by. Your unable to participate in your own life. I watch my loving husband do the things with my daughter that I cant. My husband is a Godsend and there isn’t one night that goes by that I don’t thank God that he is in my life. There’s a lot of guilt, but thats a different post.

Understand, I’m not looking for sympathy or pity, I looking for maybe some understanding. Understanding when I am not up to standing outside and talking to the neighbors for an hour, understanding when I just cant get up and go somewhere, and understanding when the thought of a vacation scares me.

I wish I could draw, but thats not a talent I have. I say that because I think if I was able to illustrate pain I would. I would simple draw a picture depicting me with a chain around my leg that is connected to the word pain, which is a tremendous cyinder block at the other end. Stuck in the house on a gorgeous day in October. We wanted to go something simple like pumpkin picking and grab mums, but I couldn’t get off the couch and at one point, couldn’t stop crying.

I am always looking to take control over my life, its a constant struggle. I’m 47 (46 actually but I feel like 146) and want to regain control of my life, but also a quality a life. I know I will never be the same , but who is? So i am constantly readjusting to an ever changing situation.

So now I will write my own personal contract, My Quality of Life Contract:

I promise myself that on my good or better days, I will make the most of them by doing fun things with my family. 💐I promise not to do more than I can even though I want to. (Reserving energy really is important). 💐I promise to do the things I enjoy to elevate my mood. 💐I promise to take better care of myself, like eating better and doing the exercise that I can handle. 💐Lastly, I promise to shed the guilt, not beating myself up over what i cant do, and reach out more often to the people who care fo help.

So, breaking the chains of pain is more than just physical, but mental and emotional. It’s a struggle everyday. I credit my family for giving me strength and this IPad and blog for giving me purpose.

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