2 am and I’m up and running., no choice in the matter, but here I am. There are many reasons why I am up and you could probably guess a few just by reading the name of my blog site. I would love to sleep longer but chronic pain and my husbands snoring are not the best combo (sorry babe, you know its true, but I’ve been know to tear it up as well😴😳🤭).
But, this really isn’t about sleep, I have already covered that odyssey. It really doesn’t matter how I wake it up, its why……pain in some spots and a tingle numbness in another. However, I also find myself with a very full brain. As soon as I open my eyes, its pain and a full brain swimming in all sorts of thoughts.
I have to laugh a little though, because right here and right now is physically and mentally my most productive time. I’m ready to take on the day, thinking about all the stuff I want to do, but realizing its 2AM!!!! It’s not like I’m gonna go food shopping or vacuum! So I sit, and now, thank heavens I write.
There is something to be said for this time in the morning. In the summer, I would often times go outside to the deck and set myself up on the table and start writing while listening to music and watching the sunrise. That was and is my time and my time only. My peace to think and prepare myself for the day.
Yes, my peace. Something I realized I needed as a coping mechanism. Then I needed an outlet for my thought or energy, yes energy. Energy that’s often times drained by noon. Anyway, i started with coloring. Those big beautiful therapeutic books filled with very detailed pictures of flowers and birds to fill with vibrant colors to create your next masterpiece. Spent about $40 on books, coloring pencils, and fine tip color pens…….well, not for me, I tried, not for me!
It wasn’t until my hospital stay in June for an MS Relapse ( now thats a story for another blog) that I understood journaling. I was under the impression of it being a Dear Diary situation. Wrong again, kinda. It can be anything at all, anything you want to create. It only took me all my life to just figure this out. My first inkling was a year or so when I saw a story about dot journaling. Then the rest was history.
Everyone needs an outlet. Everyone needs a place to put there thoughts, anxieties, stresses, and just concerns about their lives and illnesses. I found writing to be mine.
I am so grateful for the people who follow my blog, I really am. I feel connected and I get to learn from others. So, 2am blogging for me is my time, my precious time and I feel like I have accomplished something and start the day in a positive light.
Have a Fantastic Day ❤️Read More »
Over this past weekend, I developed pain in my joints, pain to the touch, and deep deep fatigue. Other than the obvious, what’s the impact on my or anyone else’s life who deal with chronic pain. It’s not just the physical pain, but it the mental and emotional pain of dragging around the chains of pain.
Most of the time your chained to your house and even to the couch or bed. There’s maybe enough chain to allow you too look out the window at the others living their lives or kids playing outside. There is a saying, “From the outside looking in”. Well, for people with pain its more like ‘from the inside looking out’.
When its bad and I mean really bad, you watch life pass you by. Your unable to participate in your own life. I watch my loving husband do the things with my daughter that I cant. My husband is a Godsend and there isn’t one night that goes by that I don’t thank God that he is in my life. There’s a lot of guilt, but thats a different post.
Understand, I’m not looking for sympathy or pity, I looking for maybe some understanding. Understanding when I am not up to standing outside and talking to the neighbors for an hour, understanding when I just cant get up and go somewhere, and understanding when the thought of a vacation scares me.
I wish I could draw, but thats not a talent I have. I say that because I think if I was able to illustrate pain I would. I would simple draw a picture depicting me with a chain around my leg that is connected to the word pain, which is a tremendous cyinder block at the other end. Stuck in the house on a gorgeous day in October. We wanted to go something simple like pumpkin picking and grab mums, but I couldn’t get off the couch and at one point, couldn’t stop crying.
I am always looking to take control over my life, its a constant struggle. I’m 47 (46 actually but I feel like 146) and want to regain control of my life, but also a quality a life. I know I will never be the same , but who is? So i am constantly readjusting to an ever changing situation.
So now I will write my own personal contract, My Quality of Life Contract:
I promise myself that on my good or better days, I will make the most of them by doing fun things with my family. 💐I promise not to do more than I can even though I want to. (Reserving energy really is important). 💐I promise to do the things I enjoy to elevate my mood. 💐I promise to take better care of myself, like eating better and doing the exercise that I can handle. 💐Lastly, I promise to shed the guilt, not beating myself up over what i cant do, and reach out more often to the people who care fo help.
So, breaking the chains of pain is more than just physical, but mental and emotional. It’s a struggle everyday. I credit my family for giving me strength and this IPad and blog for giving me purpose.
I came across this great post from another pain blogger. This is so true.
If You Think You’re Tired of Listening to People Talk About Their Chronic Pain, Imagine How Tired They Are of Living With It.
— Read on savannahwall.wordpress.com/2019/10/11/if-you-think-youre-tired-of-listening-to-people-talk-about-their-chronic-pain-imagine-how-tired-they-are-of-living-with-it/